I remember…

Rant start.

I remember a time when shooters were games like Gradius and R-Type.
I remember a time when there were no bald, burly space marines.
I remember not giving a shit about 3D in games. Oh wait, I still don’t give a shit about 3D in games.
I remember (and loved) when GTA was in 2D.
I remember a time when the east ruled.
I remember when JRPG’s were referred to as just RPG’s.
I remember when Final Fantasy games had towns in them.
I remember when the people who imported their games at a premium price and learned another language to read the dialogue text on the screen in an RPG were known as “hardcore gamers”, and not people who simply play Madden and FPS.
I remember a time before DJ Hero when there was just Beat Mania.
I remember a time before Rock Band/Guitar Hero when there was just Un Jammer Lammy.
I remember a time before Def Jam Rapstar when there was just PaRappa The Rapper.
I remember as a kid I thought it would be cool to control games with nothing but my body.
I remember being an idiot when I was a kid.
I remember when games came out faster due to developers not being forced to add online multiplayer to a game that has no reason to have it in the first place.
I remember when you challenged someone to a game, you stood right next to them so that when you called someone a “faggot”, you could and would get smacked in the face.
I remember when certain Snes cartridges cost $60-$80 when they came out.($60 games aren’t a new thing, “stop bitching” is what I’m saying.)
I remember when video game magazines mattered.
I remember when magazines mattered.
I remember when we played games with a controller.
I remember when I wasn’t a bitter old man.

Can it be that it was all so simple then?

Rant over.

If I Could Go Back In Time…

If I could go back in time, I would keep reliving the joyous moment a few weeks back when I found out that Chrono Trigger was coming to the Nintendo DS. Well, that or go back to when the actual “Dream Team” came up with the idea for this legendary game and somehow make it so that I was known as the one who named it or some shit like that.

I’m afraid though that during one of my many visits back, I would fuck something up and accidentally create a time paradox which would disrupt the space/time continuum and all existence would then cease to exist. Then sadly along with all of humanity non existent, we wouldn’t have Chrono Trigger for the DS, and that would be bad.

“Hey Frog, let’s take it back, waaaaay back. Back into time.”

Retro Games: Fatal Fury

For the holidays a friend of mine knew that I had recently bought up some old video game consoles but didn’t have any games for them. So she got me like a bunch of random games just so I had something to play. To my surprise, among them was a copy of Fatal Fury.

Now I remember as a kid renting this several times, playing and loving the hell out of it. I was expecting the same rush of excitement when I fired this game up, sadly it’s another game that doesn’t hold up well against time. I remember being pretty good at it but now I can’t even get past the second fucking fighter! It’s no where near the level of difficulty as Art of Fighting(no other fighting game in history is) but still when I play this, it’s as if it laughs at me while it hands me my ass with ease.

Man, I hope World Heroes and Samurai Showdown haven’t aged so horribly like AoF and Fatal Fury has. Maybe I shouldn’t even revisit them again, so I can preserve my fond SNK fighting game childhood memories.

The Standing Eight(Jan’ 08)

The Standing 8:

8. Macworld 2008
7. Too Beautiful To Lie on VCD
6. Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 2 on DVD
5. “The Eraser” by Thom Yorke
4. Sim City on the SNES
3. Chipotle Burritos
2. Back issues of Gamefan on eBay
1. “ぼくはくま” by 宇多田ヒカル

Top 8 horrible names to name a baby:

8. Jeeves: Guess what he will grow up to be? *cough* butler *cough*
7. Lucious: Cause it isn’t the 17th century.
6. Richard: Cause people will call him “dick” when he grows up.
5. Dick.
4. Aloicious: I doubt I will EVER in my lifetime meet someone named “Aloicious” and if I did i’d have to make him my best friend. Why? Cause how many people do you know that can say the phrase “yeah, me and Aloicious are cool like that.”
3. Any name that rhymes with the kids’ last name.
2. Lando: Unless your familys last name happens to be “Calrissian”, dont name your kid Lando.
1. Gaylord: I dont even have to elaborate.

A hall of fame pitcher, fame and more money then I will ever dream to have and I STILL wouldn’t trade lives with Mr. Perry. It’s like getting dissed every time someone says your name.

Retro Games: Art of Fighting

Gamecrazy had some more Snes games out for sale and among the multiple copies of Madden, NBA Live and other generic sports games of the 16-bit era, I found a decent game in Art of Fighting. Now back in the day SNK made and published some awesome fighting games like Fatal Fury, King of Fighters, King of Monsters, World Heroes and my personal favorite, Samurai Showdown. Art of Fighting was the worst of the bunch. Why? Cause it’s so fucking tough!

Why is this game so hard? I have no idea, but this is quite possibly the hardest fighting game ever created. I can’t even get past the first stage! It doesn’t matter who my opponent is, they fight like it was M. Bison in Street Fighter II on Level 7 difficulty, but HARDER! Ugh. I think a long time ago I once made it to the second fighter and it was the happiest moment of my life. I think the arcade machine had a glitch or something cause normally the chances of me getting to the second fighter in Art of Fighting is like winning a progressive slot machine in Vegas. I bow to anyone who has mastered this game.

I can’t even throw a fireball in the game!

Retro Games: UN Squadron

Ahhhhh gotta love 16-bit gaming. 2D top down/side scrolling shooters are easily one of my favorite video game genres. There’s something about side scrolling shooters that make me happy. It’s incredibly hard as I can barely get past four areas in the game. Picked this Capcom gem up for $4.00 in a used Snes bin at Gamecrazy a few weeks ago. It is for the most part based on the anime Area 88 as it has the same characters and locations but the original story is pretty much thrown out the window.