Archive for March, 2008

Souled Out Sunday: No Question

March 30, 2008

My favorite song off of the self titled debut album by Allure. There are actually a really good number of songs that I like from this album but oddly I don’t ever play it much. “No Question”, “Head Over Heels”, “Last Chance”, “All Cried Out” are all great and with guests like Nas, Tip and Raekwon this album, on paper should be one of my favorite R&B albums but for some reason I just don’t care for it much. It’s one of those albums that when I do put it on I play it for a week loving it then back in the abyss that is my CD collection it goes.

“No Question” was the song that I always put on repeat. LL sounds just right over the Trackmasters beat. Speaking of LL, in the mid 90’s LL and the Trackmasters together was a certifiable hit. Back when he was rocking FUBU and one pant leg up even in the cold dead of winter.

Yo! MTV Raps 20th Anniversary

March 29, 2008

MTV will be celebrating the 20th anniversary of Yo! MTV Raps by replaying old episodes of the show. And for once since the programs last episode in 1995, for once in the last 13 years there will be a proper Hip Hop show on MTV. It’s just too bad it will probably be sandwiched between shitty reality programs and that the current MTV viewing audience won’t get just how fresh it was to have a Hi-top fade with words and/or graphics cut into the side of your head. Kids will also get their minds blown when they find out that wearing colored pants and polka dotted clothing was dope at one point in Hip Hop’s history.

The best thing about Yo! MTV Raps coming back on air? The return of the Ed Lover Dance!

Yo!

Asian Snacks I Grew Up Eating

March 28, 2008

Asian Gum

Mmmmm… generic asian gum. Lets get the bad out of the way first. The negatives on gum you could buy at asian super markets was that:

a) The flavor was always a retarded version of what the label said it was. For instance if it was labeled “grape” flavored gum, you had to really, REALLY use some imagination to convince yourself what you were tasting was grape and not “toxic ass” flavored.
b) After awhile the gum got harder than the bottom of most Nike sneakers, I’ve known friends that have lost teeth chewing this shit for any extended period of time.
c) The flavor of the gum lasts about as long as the first time I had sex with a girl without a condom.(think the length of your average commercial break from your favorite T.V. show)

White Rabbit

White Rabbit Candy: You know, this is the one candy that hasn’t aged well. The quality hasn’t held up over the years. I remember LOVING this candy cause you could eat the white wrapper that the candy was wrapped in(it was like rice paper or something) and to me that was the best part. The candy was good but it was the gimmicky wrapper that made me like this candy so much. I was young and naive then and now that i’m grown up, I see through the bullshit gimmicks. Damn you White Rabbit Candy!

Shrimp Chips

Shrimp Chips: This is the one I still frequently eat. And by “frequently” I mean once in a blue moon when I visit my parents and they have a bag. It’s not really “shrimp” flavored, to me at least.(Even though now that I think of it the thought of “shrimp” flavored chips doesn’t sound so appetizing) Hard to go wrong with these. Theres another type of “shrimp chips” thats on the market but it never broke out like these did. They were like a cross between a potato chip and a pork rind. Honestly they tasted better to me but were tougher to find than the Calbee version I’ve grown to know and love. Heres that version:

Shrimp Rinds

Mmmmm, shrimp rinds.

Yan-Yan

Yan Yan: See now Yan-Yan was/is my all time favorite Asian snack. If there was a “Holy Trinity” of asian snacks it would go something like this: Yan-Yan, Pocky and shrimp chips at the top(with White Rabbit candy being an alternate).

Pocky

Pocky: In some respects this is better than Yan-Yan cause this one had the strawberry already coated on the pretzel thus taking the work out of dipping it in the strawberry yourself. Yan followers thought that Pocky was for lazy people who didn’t have the time to dip the pretzel in the strawberry themselves and Pocky followers thought that Yan-Yan was for the suckers who thought “why wear yourself out with all that extra work?”. Nevertheless, they both taste amazing and are 100% bad for your health I’m sure.

If you haven’t had the pleasure of trying any of these, search them out. You can get them at your local Asian food market. The snack section is usually located right next to the aisle where you can buy fresh dog and/or cat meat.


Let’s Take It Back: No Hooks

March 25, 2008

When I listen to this, I plug my ears and close my eyes and go “la-la-la-la-la” during the whole second verse when Shaq raps for fear of brain aneurysm and my IQ dropping down 40 points. I could totally see this being on Meth’s first album, just take Shaq’s ass out of there and have Inspectah Deck rhyme in place and this song would’ve been instant Wu banger.

Remember when Shaq rhymed with Fu-Shnickens? That was crazy. See that I don’t mind cause who really gives a shit about Fu-Schnick? But for someone so horrible to rhyme in between RZA and Meth on one of the grimiest Wu beats ever? Unacceptable.

Kiks Tyo x Aki Hoshino x Hello Kitty

March 24, 2008

True story. Back in middle school I would steal all things Sanrio from the Hallmark store for my then girlfriend. I would specifically swipe for her anything Keroppi cause he was her favorite. I’m not even gonna lie, I kinda grew to liking them too and would steal Badtz Maru for myself. Now after 15 years, I can finally revisit my love for Sanrio by buying up these Kiks Tyo/Hoshino/Hello Kitty tees. They will be released in the coming months in various colors.

Kiks Kitty

I don’t like Hello Kitty in green. She should always be in red.

Kiks Kitty Green

I wouldn’t wear pink but I do like the color of this shirt.

Kiks Kitty Pink

I think I have a new favorite Kiks Tyo x Aki Hoshino shirt. This will be mine:

Aki Kitty

An Open Letter To Porn

March 23, 2008

Tera

Geeks like porn. Fact. I didn’t write this but damn I wish I did.

An Open Letter To Porn:

Dear Porn,

Hi there, how are you doing? It seems to me like you’re thriving – you’re a multi-billion-dollar worldwide industry and there’s more of you out there every day, in new forms, with new perversions, expanding into more markets all the time. Your mother must be so proud.

Don’t worry about not recognizing me – you don’t know me, but we actually have a long history together. I won’t go into the full story, but just let me say that I’ve done some crazy shit for you, stuff that I’m not entirely proud of…but that’s not to say that you didn’t reciprocate, of course. I mean, you completely changed my life three times – first, when I discovered masturbation, second, when I got a TV and VCR in my own room, and third, when I discovered that I could find you on the internet. Mind-blowing stuff…and now that I’m living by myself and am currently single, I can see you any time I want for as long as I want. This is like our Golden Age together, except for one slight problem. I didn’t notice it at first, but as we spent more and more time together it became pretty obvious.

You suck, dude.

And I’m not trying to make some sort of cute pun here – you really do suck. You’re awful, horrible, poorly made, and I can think of a whole list of huge problems that you have.

First off, you don’t make any fucking sense. I mean, have you ever sat down and actually tried to watch one of your “features” straight through? If your plot isn’t some needlessly complicated, convoluted mishmash of nightmarish editing, it’s so utterly simple that non-sex scenes consist of little more than “Hey, we know each other, let’s fuck.” I realize that creating plausible situations for characters to have sex while only having 5-minute bursts of plot in which to do it in is difficult, but with that in mind, why bother? There are fewer people that watch a movie of you for the plot than read Playboy for the articles (if that’s even possible).

Next, let’s talk direction. Do any of the people who direct you have any clue what in hell they’re doing? Here’s just a few of the egregious errors most directors make:

1) The Extended Close-up: You know, this may surprise you, but anyone who’s watched you for more than five minutes knows exactly what a penis going in and out of a vagina looks like. Especially when it’s a close-up shot, where all you can see is pussy, cock, and pubic hair (except when it’s a doggy-style shot, where all you can see is pussy, cock, balls, pubic hair, and a pair of asses). And do you know exactly what a close-up shot of a penis going in and out of a vagina looks like?

EVERY OTHER SINGLE FUCKING CLOSE-UP SHOT OF A PENIS GOING IN AND OUT OF A VAGINA THAT HAS EVER BEEN COMMITTED TO FILM IN HUMAN HISTORY, THAT’S WHAT! Okay? Do you get it now? We’ve seen it, and we’ve seen it a million times, and it never looks any different! It’s not like you can even tell who’s actually doing the fucking just by looking at the close-up, like some warped version of “Name That Tune” – so why do you feel the need to spend 45 seconds out of every minute showing it to us? Could we please actually see what’s going on in the rest of the scene, and maybe show some breasts or, god forbid, the woman’s face, for once?

2) The Guy Shot: Now what the hell is the point of this? Go out on the street and randomly poll people – 99% of them are going to tell you that women are better looking than men, and 100% of them are going to say that female porn stars are better looking than male porn stars (Ron Jeremy is smart and funny and all, but let’s admit it, dude is fucking ugly). So why the hell do you randomly, all of a sudden, switch to a shot of either just the guy’s face or just the guy’s upper body or something for 30 seconds? Most guys in porn don’t bother acting while they’re fucking anyway, so all you really get is 30 seconds of not showing anything remotely interesting. And do you know how much it sucks to be jerking off, start to come, and then get stuck with a Guy Shot? You know it’s too late and there’s nothing you can do about it, but you’d rather be doing anything else than coming at that particular moment. (The nearest equivalent I can think of is prepping a launch of a missile, pressing the fire button, and all of a sudden realizing you’ve just launched it at your own house.)

3) The Acting: Can this get any worse? It’s bad enough that the acting during the plot segments is wooden at best, but then when you get to the sex scenes themselves, it stays universally awful. First, there’s girls who break the fourth wall and look at the camera when the cameraman isn’t part of the scene. Girls, if you’re in control enough to look all sultry at the camera, we can tell you’re bullshitting. Secondly, girls, don’t continue moaning after the guy has pulled out and is jerking off above you. Nobody is stimulating you in any way – who the hell do you think you’re fooling? Thirdly, you could replace the guys in porn with pieces of plywood that have strap-ons attached to them, and there wouldn’t be much difference.

(And speaking of the guys, what the hell is with most of you needing to jerk off to come? Here you are, having sex with women that most guys would give their non-masturbating arms to fuck, and they can’t even get you off? That just seems wrong somehow.)

4) Recycled footage: How fucking dumb do you think we are? If you take the same 90-second loop of footage and use it two, three, or even four times during one scene – news flash! – we can tell, you idiots!

5) Outside shots: Sorry, but your directors need to learn the concept of light and shadow, because when you do a shitty job of dealing with light, all the shadow means that you can’t see a damned thing. And I know it’s outside and there are billions of insects out there, but seeing those little black flies or gnats flying around while trying to watch some cunnilingus is really a turnoff.

6) Anal: Look, porn, if I were into watching the gay version of you, I’d understand this. Guys not only have the nerve endings in the asshole itself, we have the prostate too, so it makes sense. But women? All they have is the nerve endings way down at the end, and with the amount of testimonials I’ve heard from real women who swear against it, why do you perpetuate this myth that women like taking it up the ass? Not only that, but when a girl sucks a cock after it’s been up her ass, I don’t feel like jerking off, I feel like cringing. What does one have to do to make that sanitary, give her a pre-fuck bleach enema?

Direction aside, there’s all sorts of other stuff that stinks about you, porn. For every decent boob job, there’s six girls who have obvious scars and stretch marks or look like they’ve had a pair of cantaloupe-sized lumps of Silly Putty stuck to their chests. For every Chasey Lain, there’s three skanky-looking girls you wouldn’t screw even if you were falling-down drunk. For every ten seconds’ worth of actually arousing imagery, there’s twenty minutes of uninspriring tedium. And worst of all, for every hour that I’ve spent watching you, downloading you, sneaking around my parents’ house looking for you, and thinking about you in general, there’s an hour that I could have spent been doing something else a million times more worthwhile.

You suck, porn. See you tonight.

Sincerely, 
-Lifetime Porn Watcher #10,495,102,867

Google Me

March 22, 2008

Ugh, video, video, video. I apologize for the number of videos I’ve been posting lately, when stuff comes out I feel the need to blog about, I gotta do it. I might as well title/subtitle this site A Love Supreme Dreaming: All Videos, All Day.

I feel that the goofiness of this video is directly proportional to the size of Teyana Taylors hair. This video wasn’t the BBC/Ice Cream for ladies catalog I was expecting. Nevertheless, I really like this song. The number of times I’ve played this on iTunes would explode your mind. I don’t know but when that sort of pre-chorus kicks in with the harmonies in the background I really start digging it.

Ice Cream trucks in space, Matrix backgrounds, Teyana wearing an actual Pirates hat and eye patch, kids dancing, huge Diana Ross sized hair, Omarion. This video is all over the place! One thing surprisingly missing: Pharrell. Where is he? I know he was on set. I mean she is Star Trak after all.


Baby Milo x Spongebob Tee

March 21, 2008

Not only am I gonna post stuff I buy but more times than not I’m gonna post stuff I don’t buy but could have. Like right now there’s three left in my size of this Milo tee but sadly, I will have to refrain from adding to my cart. Baby Milo shirts sell out very, very quickly and this will be gone in a few hours I’m sure. And as little as I know about Spongebob Squarepants, I still want this shirt. I know it’s a cartoon but I haven’t seen one episode. I heard there’s like a racoon that lives underwater or some crazy shit like that.

If I didn’t just plop down some cash for a Reigning Champ Hoodie, I probably would’ve gotten this.

Milo + Bob


Worldwide Bape Heads Show

March 20, 2008

Worldwide Bape Show

Man what I wouldn’t do to have a custom Bape avatar of myself on a shirt. Check out Shay and Chad’s avatars. Shay’s is so hilariously spot on. I would have mine wear thick black framed glasses and a gold watch. Anyways, this looks like it’s gonna be a massive show. Too bad everyone there won’t be able to see anything due to their Bape hoodies zipped up all the way to the top. At least the concert will sound incredible.

Where the hell is Lupe?


Teriyaki Boyz Tee/CD Single Bundle

March 20, 2008

New A Bathing Ape Teriyaki Boyz shirt/”Zock On” cd single bundle available at Cliff Edge. The bundle runs $150 which is a little pricey. Unless the shirt is an NFS exclusive, typically Bape shirts go for about $100-$110. You can get the single for $11 over at Yesasia. So to actually get the best bang for your buck bargain it would probably make more sense to…..wait, what the hell am I thinking? This is Bape we’re talking about, where heads are more than willing to spend $50 for Baby Milo Toilet Paper.

Zock On Tee

Zock

Mmmmm…not really feeling the design on the shirt.