*It helps if you imagine Zack Snyder sounding like Ted Logan from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure as played by the amazing Keanu Reaves*
Zack Snyder: “Hey I got this idea for this epic movie, it’s like these hot badass chicks all scantily cladded up in school girl uniforms and they’re all like really good at fighting so they like kick major ass! And they use like guns AND Chinese swords! You know, like the kind samurai’s use? In China? And then there’s like huge epic dragons and fucking huge robots in it. And there will be radical explosions and shit, like totally dude! It’s gonna be EPIC!
Movie Execs: Mr. Snyder…
Zack Snyder: Oh and there’s this one scene where there’s this giant like samurai shogun kung fu guy but he doesn’t have a sword, well he does, but he also has like this huge gattling gun! Oh man! It’s gonna be totally like dude bro! Like…dude bro. Hey! That should be the name of the movie! DUDE…BRO!
Movie Execs: Mr. Snyder…
Zack Snyder: And then there’s these gangster guido guys in it and there’s also like WWI style planes in it and motorcycles and missles(all of which explode at some point) and all kinds of epic stuff! We’ll run spots on G4 and Spike TV 24 hours a day leading up to the release! It’s gonna be…
*Movie execs interrupting*
Movie Execs: Epic?
Zack Snyder: EEEPPPPPPIIIIIIIIC!!! I haven’t thought up the story yet but that shouldn’t take long, I can write it during the drive home. All it’s gonna cost is $800 million dollars.
Movie Execs: Mr. Snyder the movie will be called Sucker Punch, not Dude Bro.
Zack Snyder(sadly): Dude.
Movie Execs: Here’s your $800 million dollars.
Zack Snyder: DUUUUUUUUUUDE! THIS MOVIE IS GONNA BE…
Cleaning out my old room at my parents house I came across some interesting things from my past. I thought I’d post them up for archival purposes.
About 12 years back I was a scratch djing fanatic. “Making sounds with turntables is the future, man! Mark my words, this is the start of something new! You’ll see! You’ll all see!” I would say. Well, it turned out “scratch music” wasn’t the next big thing but at the time you couldn’t tell me otherwise. During my skratch music period, the Invisibl Skratch Piklz were the objects of that obsession. I collected anything with their name attached to it: Mixtapes, scratch practice tapes, Dirtstyle break records, episodes of Turntable TV on VHS, battle videos, you name it. I bought everything. Well, everything except a $400 ticket to Skratchcon. C’mon, I wasn’t THAT stupid.
Anyways, here are a few things I’ve accumulated:
Here’s an old issue of URB from 1998 when ISP adorned their cover. I’ve tried to look for a picture of this online and to no avail. I decided to upload mine for posterity’s sake. So if you start seeing this image online, chances are it’ll be my scan. Look at the top right hand corner with the crease. That’s my crease!
Here’s a small feature in XXL magazine. I don’t have the magazine anymore as I simply cut the page out and threw the mag away. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have done that.
How obscure is this? This is a little 20 page EA supplemental that came polybagged with an issue of Electronic Gaming Monthly I bought way back in 98′. Basically it’s a mini sports magazine that has interviews, features and previews of EA’s entire 99′ sports line of games. Tucked in the very end of this mini mag, there lies a tips & tricks page where it tells you secrets you can unlock in your favorite EA sports game. One of these includes a secret for the game March Madness 99′, in which you can unlock a 3 minute video of Q, Mike and Shortkut by inputting the password: “ISP” or “Qbert”, then winning in Arcade mode. I haven’t seen it yet but I will soon, since I just bought March Madness 99 on Amazon for $5.
Hey, remember when the Wavetwisters DVD came out and you could buy a WT DVD cover signed by Qbert himself? All it cost was $10. Yeah, I bought one. Why? I have no fucking idea. The one kind of cool thing about the one he signed for me was he messed up signing his name and acknowleges it by writing “Oops, haha.” on it.
Prince, even though you hate the internet, just know that there is a small part of it that still loves you.
I ain’t got no money
I ain’t like those other guys you hang around
And it’s kinda funny
But they always seem to let you down
And I get discouraged
‘Cause I never see you anymore
And I need your love, babe yeah
That’s all I’m living for, yeah
I didn’t wanna pressure you, baby
But all I ever wanted to do
I wanna be your lover
I wanna be the only one that makes you come running
I wanna be your lover
I wanna turn you on, turn you out, all night long, make you shout
Ow, lover! Yeah
I wanna be the only one you come for
I wanna be your brother
I wanna be your mother and your sister, too
There ain’t no other
That can do the things that I’ll do to you
And I get discouraged
‘Cause you treat me just like a child
And they say I’m so shy, yeah
But with you I just go wild!
I didn’t wanna pressure you, baby.
But all I ever wanted to do
I wanna be your lover
I wanna be the only one that makes you come running
I wanna be your lover
I wanna turn you on, turn you out, all night long make you shout
Ow, lover! Yeah
I wanna be the only one you come for, yeah
I don’t know how long this video will be up so enjoy it while you can before the Purple Police comes and shuts it down.
Every man should have at least one good suit. I believe that a suit should fit properly to look as good as it can on whoever is wearing it. I understand not everyone can afford to fly out to the UK, visit Savile Row and get a bespoke suit. But remember that one $1200 tailor made is better than two $600 off the rack.
I remember a time when shooters were games like Gradius and R-Type.
I remember a time when there were no bald, burly space marines.
I remember not giving a shit about 3D in games. Oh wait, I still don’t give a shit about 3D in games.
I remember (and loved) when GTA was in 2D.
I remember a time when the east ruled.
I remember when JRPG’s were referred to as just RPG’s.
I remember when Final Fantasy games had towns in them.
I remember when the people who imported their games at a premium price and learned another language to read the dialogue text on the screen in an RPG were known as “hardcore gamers”, and not people who simply play Madden and FPS.
I remember a time before DJ Hero when there was just Beat Mania.
I remember a time before Rock Band/Guitar Hero when there was just Un Jammer Lammy.
I remember a time before Def Jam Rapstar when there was just PaRappa The Rapper.
I remember as a kid I thought it would be cool to control games with nothing but my body.
I remember being an idiot when I was a kid.
I remember when games came out faster due to developers not being forced to add online multiplayer to a game that has no reason to have it in the first place.
I remember when you challenged someone to a game, you stood right next to them so that when you called someone a “faggot”, you could and would get smacked in the face.
I remember when certain Snes cartridges cost $60-$80 when they came out.($60 games aren’t a new thing, “stop bitching” is what I’m saying.)
I remember when video game magazines mattered.
I remember when magazines mattered.
I remember when we played games with a controller.
I remember when I wasn’t a bitter old man.
A Love Supreme Dreaming... 
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